Guiding Truth
by Redmage2
Summary: Ed’s thoughts on life truths. No action, no plot, just Ed thinking. SPOILERS FOR ANIME ENDING.


Spoiler possibilities: Hell yes. This is set in the anime-verse, POST-SERIES.

Summary: Ed's thoughts on life truths. No action, no plot, just Ed thinking.

Glossary: If you haven't seen the Japanese, you shouldn't be reading this (as of this posting) since they haven't released the end of the series yet. But eventually, maybe, some people who've just seen the English will read this. ANYWAY. The terms you need to know are these:

Touka koukan - Equivalent trade, "law of conservation," equivalent exchange, etc

Ichi no zen, zen no ichi - One is all, all is one

Onward!

-.-.-.-

_People cannot gain anything without sacrificing something._

_You must present something of equal value to gain something._

_That is the principle of equivalent trade in alchemy._

_We believed that was the truth of the world when we were young._

Truly, we did.

Touka koukan was the creed that Al and I had decided to devote our lives to serving, but also to subverting. Our goal was the ability to break the laws, to defy equivalent trade.

There are many who keep this truth close to their hearts, even as they grow old and jaded. Others, like Sensei and my father, saw that there were inequities in life which could not be explained by citing touka koukan.

I first started to see beyond equivalent trade when Father explained to me that a parent's love for a child is in defiance of alchemy's guiding principle, and I guess I believe him, even if the bastard did run out on us. Now that I understand why, though, he's trying damn hard to make up for lost time. Al would appreciate his efforts far more than I, though. I'd almost rather have that bastard at Central try to spend time with me than sit around here and...

Anyway, by the time he told me that, I had already seen enough of the world that I was ready to believe. A few months before, Sensei had told us why she didn't believe in equivalent trade. As she said, what does a child get in return for dying so soon after it is born? At the time, I simply hurried on ahead, choosing not to think too long on something which could derail all my thoughts for the future.

When I first came here, I would lie in bed for hours on end, staring blankly at the cracks in my ceiling, watching my past—no, my other life—go by. When I reached this scene in my life, I would wonder to myself what Sensei's guiding principle was, if not touka koukan.

A few weeks later, when I was in the middle of talking to a shopkeeper, I realized the answer, and muttered it under my breath, all the while cursing myself for being foolish enough not to see sooner. Sensei had told us herself, when she first dumped Al and me on an almost deserted island in the middle of a really big lake. Ichi no zen, zen no ichi. Even though that phrase doesn't buy you anything in alchemy, when you apply it to life, then you have something to remember and to live by—if you haven't already foolishly ignored a lesson well learned, that is.

It's been said by some that I was a prodigy, even a genius alchemist, and of course, those who said that were right. But for all my knowledge and my ability to learn and adapt, I'm remarkably blind to truths right in front of my eyes if they conflict with a goal I have in mind. It's taken my years to truly master the principle of ichi no zen, zen no ichi. But then again, who can say that I truly have mastered it? I understand its meaning and its purpose, but if it came down to Al's life again...I would throw everything I've learned out the window and go running back to touka koukan, even though I know it cannot apply to everything. It served me well enough to save Al once...

But I do know that equivalent trade is false. I've also spent my whole life disregarding Sensei's principle, which I can't change now. I have to wonder; what is my guiding truth? What principle of life do I follow?

I thought I had taken a long time pondering Sensei's truth. That turned out to be nothing compared to the time I spent staring off into space and blankly studying cracks in my ceiling trying to discover what I believed in.

At first, it doesn't seem like it would be such a hard question. After all, every person lives his whole life following SOME creed, how can he not know what it is? I think I almost drove myself crazy with this question.

I'm not sure what brought the thought on, but one day, out of the blue—or rather, out of my mouth in the middle of a theatre production—I realized that my pursuit of this riddle was actually the answer. My life's truth was that I would always unstoppably forge ahead, looking for answers to ages-old questions which others had long abandoned as too dangerous or impossible.

And that's how I know I'll get back home.

-.-.-.-

I'm not sure what brought this on, but I believe that I was vaguely pondering ichi no zen, zen no ichi (which is just fun to say), and how Ed and Al learned its meaning, but immediately set it aside. I wanted to have Ed reflect on this fact too, so we have post-anime Ed probably writing an entry to one of his "travel journals." Basically, I'm guessing he just figured out what his own creed, and wanted to get his thoughts down. Why did I pick Ed? Well, long story short...I don't like Al and I do like Ed. :whistles: No offense to Al fans; I know there are a lot of you.

As for the ending, it just seemed to be a god resolution. It's not the point of this rambling thing that might be classified as a fic, but it seems the be a good ending. :shrug:

Apparently this is my new style: reflective character studies. Damn. I rather wish I had a good idea However, I'm just glad I've written something Hagaren now!


End file.
